


how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

by wearethedreamersofdreams



Series: found you and you're save [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:28:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27034195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wearethedreamersofdreams/pseuds/wearethedreamersofdreams
Summary: this is my attempt at whumptober prompts for 2020
Series: found you and you're save [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985530
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. Don’t Leave Me Hangin’

**Author's Note:**

> I know I’m late. Laptop issues and life got in the way, but that’s all over now and I present to you (albeit sad mayhaps) my attempt at the Whumptober 2020 prompts for Doctor Who. Now this is gonna be me, and me loves whumping thirteen (don’t judge, I love to pain my faves, it’s a weird knack I have) so I guess all these lil one shots are gonna be me whumping thirteen (and the fam) cause… that’s how I roll.
> 
> At first I wanted to do this as a continues fic, but then realized that would take me much longer then October so I’m shelving that one for later. Now that life has quieted down for me I’m also going back to my Hadestown au fic (if that’s your thing, then that exists.)
> 
> And now the fic.

“Doctor?” the Doctor blinked at the sound of her name, she wasn’t sure where she was or what had happened, but she did feel like she had a hangover times ten.

“Wha…” She mumbled, while her half lidded eyes finally found the source of who had been whispering her name.

Yaz was right across from her, arms tied up above her head, in what the Doctor could only assume was a similar fashion to her own.

“Ow, that _hurts.”_ The Doctor whispered, while trying to pull her hands down, being stopped by heavy shackles around her wrists.

“Well this _sucks_.” The Doctor whispered, while trying to ascertain where her and Yaz had ended up. She was relieved to notice that Ryan and Graham weren’t with them. Which hopefully meant they were not taken with them.

“Graham and Ryan escaped them as far as I can understand Doctor. So I hope that they won’t let us hanging here.” The Doctor couldn’t help but laugh at that, clever Yaz with her police brain helping out when the Doctor’s brain needed time to catch up.

The Doctor realized they had taken her coat, which meant that by extent they also took her sonic which was in one of the pockets.

The moment they had stepped out of their blue little box, they had been surrounded by the humanoid creatures that were inhabiting this planet. The Doctor being the Doctor had gone up in all her self-assured glory and started to talk to the humanoids. But what she hadn’t realized was that the for once the translator from the TARDIS hadn’t recognized the language and so hadn’t translated what the Doctor had said.

The humanoids felt attacked and did what every humanoid normally didn’t do.

They wacked the Doctor on the head, knocking her out while her last thought was of that hopefully the fam could get to safety without her.

At least half of the fam had gotten away it seemed, Yaz hadn’t, but knowing Yaz she probably wanted to make sure that the Doctor was alright, something the Doctor found a trait that some days was endearing, and most days annoying.

The Doctor looked up at her arms, and tried to wriggle. She couldn’t help but flinch when it felt as if the cuffs pulled on tighter than before.

“Don’t try to pull your arms out Doctor, I learned the hard way that even though these humanoids look dumb, they tighten the moment you pull to hard.” The Doctor shot Yaz a look of wonder when she noticed the thin red rivulets of blood running from Yaz’s wrists.

Sometimes she forgot how fragile humans were.

“Doctor?” The Doctor frowned and looked at Yaz, who looked highly uncomfortable.

“Can’t you just… I don’t know, sonic us out of here? I don’t know about you but all this silence and the fact these creatures can’t understand us is unsettling to me.” The Doctor huffed, she was offended Yaz would think it wasn’t the first thing she would try if she had her sonic on her in the first place.

And so the Doctor told Yaz as such, who frowned and then went quiet again. The Doctor tried to twist around to the left and to the right, but found out very quickly what Yaz had meant by saying the cuffs tightened the more you moved. But the Doctor being the Doctor didn’t think Yaz wanted to talk to her again after her little jab earlier on, and so she watched the blood that had started to trickle down her arms disappear in her blue shirt sleeves.

Damn it, this was her favourite t-shirt as well.

“ _pssst”_ The Doctor frowned, she was sure Yaz hadn’t made the sound, so where was it coming from? It didn’t help that the Doctor was with her back towards the cell doors, and so couldn’t see that Graham had finally made his way towards the cell. The Doctor looked at Yaz who frowned, and then grinned when she spotted Graham trying to work the sonic on the cell door.

“Doc? How is this thing supposed to work?”

The moment Graham had said it, the Doctor had attempted to turn around as much as possible. The Doctor being the Doctor forgetting that by that she would make the cuffs tighten even more on her already bleeding wrists.

The last thing the Doctor heard before she passed out due to the pain in her wrists was a dual sound of her name being yelled by the two voices that had become such important parts of this body’s life.

_Well shit._

Later, much later, when the fam had made their way back to the TARDIS, Ryan complaining that he was always the one who had to carry an unconscious Doctor. They had settled in the cinema room, with snacks, drinks and blankets watching a movie, the Doctor couldn’t help and ask what exactly what had happened after her stupid stint had broken both her wrists and she had promptly passed out, this body not as used to pain as the previous ones had been.

“Well, Ryan figured out that the Humanoids responded very well to Earth music. Don’t ask me why and how we figured it out, but we did. That’s when Ryan turned on some _Bastille_ , which distracted the Humanoids long enough for me to sneak to the TARDIS which wasn’t far away luckily, sneak back and get you two out. But of course you had to hurt yourself in the process Doc, couldn’t you just… I don’t know, not do that next time?” Graham said, while stealing one of the custard creams off of the Doctors plate, who then tried to grab it back, and epically failing to do so cause Graham had at least splinted both the Doctor’s wrists so that she wouldn’t move them to much while her rapid healing kicked in.

“Oi! You were calling for me! And it’s rude not to respond to that, isn’t it Yaz? Like its proper rude to ignore people, even if the bad guys have left you to hang around for the rest of your life.” When the Doctor had awoken she had slowly tried to mend her little fall out with Yaz, which judging by the slight smile the woman was wearing was working slowly but surely.

“Well Doctor, next time if you want to grab our attention, don’t be so dramatic to break your wrists now, will ya? Just asking us to talk to you is enough.” The Doctor couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“Yeah Doctor, next time you want to _hang out_ with us, just let us know, no pun intended of course.” Everyone groaned at Ryan’s lame attempt at a joke, they watched the movie for a while until the Doctor became restless again.

“Hey Ryan?” Ryan just nodded while still looking at the movie, it seemed like he was completely engrossed in it, weirdly enough he still could give the Doctor the attention she was seeking without looking away.

“Which song did you use to distract the Humanoids? I mean, it’s interesting to me that that seemed to be the way to get them to stop.” Ryan frowned, and paused the movie.

“Well, a mate of mine had recently told me to listen to the new Bastille album, and I actually quite digged it, so I played them the last played song of that album.” The Doctor looked excited at Ryan, she really wanted to know which song it was.

“Ryan, come on. What was the name of the song?” Yaz asked. Ryan suddenly looked a bit funny at his shoes, while whispering something unintelligible.

“Ryan, son you really need to speak up, I couldn’t even hear you and I am sitting next to you.” Graham said, while popping another custard cream from the Doctor in his mouth.

“Don’t attack me for this one alright? When I put it on I wasn’t aware it would be so… painfully true to the matter.”

“Ryan, just spit it out son.”

“Hangin’ the name of the song was Hangin’”

_“Ryan!”_


	2. He will play god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor misjudges their destination and lands the TARDIS right in the middle of a civil war.  
> Things escalate and Ryan has to make a life changing decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day two of Whumptober prompts was titled In the Hands of the Enemy  
> I picked: "Pick Who Dies"

“Pick who dies” Ryan blinked against the harsh light that was suddenly upon him, he tried to get his bearings, but could not quite get there quick enough.

“Pick who dies!” Ryan looked at the man that was yelling in his face, a rough looking man was standing above him while Ryan was kneeling in the dirt.

“I… wha…” he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw three familiar figures kneeling in across from him in similar fashion. All of them hands tied behind their backs, gagged, and looking worse for wear.

Ryan remembered what had happened now.

They had landed, like usual on a planet the Doctor had picked for them. They had been looking for something quiet. Especially after the debacle with the humanoids where the Doctor had broken both of her wrists. (she had not meant to; she was just excited to see Graham she had said repeatedly.)

What the Doctor had not realized was that she had misjudged by a couple of hundred years, and they were caught right in the middle of a civil war.

The Doctor being the Doctor wanted to stay and help out, which had gone well, until apparently one of the ‘good people’ had been a spy and ratted them out to the dictatorial government that had been ruling the planet up to that point.

Their capture had been quick, especially because of the Doctor’s passive approach to things, which meant no guns on their side, which then meant a quick surrender, where the Doctor assured them she would get them out in a jiffy.

This was if they had been taken to a cell, but apparently the government here did it the quick way, which meant public execution on the street where they had been captured.

Both Graham and Yaz looked frazzled, Yaz bleeding from a cut to the head sustained by the blow of the back of the guns their captures had been using, the Doctor on the other hand was not looking great.

The Doctor being the Doctor had immediately started to mouth off their hostage takers, which had resulted to a few punches to the gut and the face, her eye blue and a trickle of blood running from her mouth. Even gagged it would not stop the Doctor from trying to protect them.

“Are you deaf?” The person who had been yelling in Ryan’s face had come awfully close to him. Close enough to headbutt if Ryan had a death wish to be filled with bullets. If the Doctor had taught him one thing, it was that biding your time was the wisest thing to do.

“What do you mean, pick who dies? Cause if I get to choose anyone, I’ll choose you.” Apparently the second thing the Doctor had taught him was a healthy dose of sass.

Or unhealthy if the punch in the gut was anything to go by, Ryan couldn’t help but groan, out of the corner of his eyes he saw the Doctor struggling to get to him, trying to yell through the mouth gag.

“You have to pick one of the others. If its any conciliation, it means you are safe no matter what. If I where you I’d go for the talkative one with the long coat, she seems to be the kind of person you’d rather get rid of them then stay with, don’t you agree?” Ryan shook his head; he was not going to choose no matter what happened he would not have the blood of one of his friends on his hands. The Doctor would get them out.

Wouldn’t she?

“Or the grey one, he doesn’t have to live long anymore anyway don’t you think? He has done for anyway, a waste of space if you will.” Ryan seethed they would not talk about the strongest person he had ever known like that.

_He would not pick, the rebels would save them, wouldn’t they?_

“Or the girl, I mean women are a waste of space anyway. Only useful with their le…”

“Don’t talk about Yaz like that!” Ryan yelled. Their captor started to laugh.

“Have I hit a weak spot boy? You did not react that visibly at the first one, so was I right? Is the blonde one expendable? Would you pick her over the others?” Ryan shook his head

“The Doctor isn’t expendable, she’s the greatest person I’ve ever met. She tells stories the way only the greatest adventures can. She helps people whenever she sees they are in danger or in trouble. She is selfless, quirky and herself and the universe would be worse of without her!” Ryan did not know what had come over himself. He had realized he probably had not shown his affection and appreciation to the Doctor like that before today.

“I see.” Their captor mumbled, while Ryan anxiously looked at the Doctor, who’s eyes where wide in surprise.

Ryan swallowed; he might have made a mistake going off like that. Their captors had been looking for his biggest weakness, and they had found it.

The fear that the Doctor would not be there for them to save them had always been there for Ryan. He was afraid she would leave him like Grace did. That was one of the reasons why he had not really tried to get to close to the Doctor. Cause like everything good in his life they would eventually leave him all alone and he did not want that with the Doctor.

“Dear boy, I think without realizing you might have told me more without words then you’d ever hoped for. And I thank you for that. Now normally I would go ahead and kill the person who has been chosen. But after this disgusting display of affection you have given me an idea. If this _doctor_ is so important to the universe as you say she is, she probably is to that to the rebellion cause as well. Now I was thinking, they could use a little bit of demoralisation, wouldn’t they boys?” The rest of the group of people that was standing around them cheered. Ryan frantically looked around, where was this heading to?

“Public execution, two days from now on the towns square. Untie the others and let them go. Tell the rebellion what’s going to happen to their hope in dark days.” Ryan felt the rope around his hands fall away, while looking at Graham and Yaz who were released as well. Meanwhile the Doctor was being pulled on her feet while being blindfolded.

“No, No! We’re leaving all together or not at all!” Ryan said, while moving towards where the Doctor was frantically trying to get out of her bindings. Their main captor started to laugh again and motioned for the two goons dragging the Doctor away to stop.

“Poor boy. You should learn in life that demanding things when you are not in a spot to demand is a dangerous thing to do. But I am gracious today. I will give you a minute to talk to her. Don’t waste it son because you won’t see her again after that.” Ryan had never moved as quickly as he did then at that moment, quickly taking the blindfold and the gag away from the Doctor.

Ryan expected all kinds of looks from the Doctor. Disappointment, sadness, fear maybe? But what he did not expect was the utter calmness that was shining from the Doctor’s eyes.

“Ryan, Ryan look at me.” The Doctor sounded calm, which made Ryan feel calm as well when he finally met the Doctors eyes. Her eyes crinkled slightly into a semi smile.

“There you are. Listen, you did well, okay? I am not holding anything against you or the others. Things happen, and they happen for a reason. I am glad it is me here and not any of you, okay? Now, go back to the Rebels, make sure you are not followed, okay?” She glanced over at their captor and continued talking.

“You let them go in peace and no one will follow them! If you have at least one ounce of remorse in you, you will at least grant me that! They have done nothing wrong; they were listening to me and only me.” Their captor just shrugged but seemed to settle as far as Ryan could see.

“Now Ryan, I need you to do something for me, you need to take my sonic. I cannot have it fall into their hands.” Ryan quickly took the sonic from the Doctor’s coat pocket.

“Doctor? If I take it, you cannot escape.” The Doctor laughed lightly at that and looked Ryan in the eyes.

“Do not worry about that Ryan, again, I am not holding anything against you. Now when you are back at the Rebel base, give the sonic to Cedric, alright?” Ryan just nodded mutely.

“You will be fine, all three of you will. Now go, I will see you in two days, yeah?” The Doctor directed this to all three members of her fam, while she felt the person holding her pull her away while putting back the blindfold and gag.

Ryan watched as the Governmental Army pushed the Doctor in one of their vehicles. Ryan felt a little bit of pride when the Doctor elbowed one of the guys, giving them a bleeding nose in the process. But that pride was soon turned into fear when the guy retaliated and punched her in the face while pushing her into the van quite harshly. Graham and Yaz by now had made their way back to Ryan and looked just as frazzled and fearful as that Ryan felt.

“What do we do now?” Yaz asked, while the vans drove away.

“We go back to the Rebel base.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry?
> 
> Don't worry, part two will be up in the next chapter.
> 
> I think Ryan sorta if he wants to could and should have this kinda interaction with the Doctor on the show. I'd like to think he's the quiet type when it comes to adoring the Doctor but when pushed a certain way he would show his affection towards the Doctor. (That I think the show has done him dirty on and does not show it enough). I also didn't know I had to capability to write this kinda dark shit, we learn something new everyday.
> 
> title is a lyric from the song Play God by Sam Fender  
> I have a playlist with songs I base the titles on riiiight here:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/649ABBIZzz2XU2tDK8LzFA?si=hEIYIVuZTNyGSmVEGPEvmQ
> 
> come yell at me on the tweets  
> @JenniferEarp_
> 
> tumblr  
> manyotherroadsyettorun


	3. come take the weight off me now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But wouldn’t that mean they will capture you Doctor? They will execute you on the spot.” The Doctor shook her head.  
> “If my calculations are correct, you guys are due for another public reckoning are you not? Lazaro is nothing if not predictable, if I play my cards right, I’d be the next one to be that person.” Cedric frowned.  
> “And what if you are not, Doctor?” the Doctor just shrugged.  
> “I’ll regenerate, a bit sooner then I’d like but we can’t have everything the way we want it to go, now can we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My way or the highway  
> Prompt: Manhandled – forced to their knees – Held at gunpoint
> 
> Follows up from the last chapter

Ryan hadn’t slept for the past two days.

Himself, Yaz and Graham had made their way back to the Rebel base, without the Doctor, and no idea what they would do next.

He’d explained to the others what the Doctor had told them, and both Graham and Yaz agreed that they should listen to what the Doctor had said.

She’d never let them down in the past, why would she now, especially when her own life was in the balance?

When they’d gotten back to base, they’d been greeted by a frantic Cedric, the leader of the Rebels who had somehow taken wind of what had happened to the four of them, mumbling about how with taking the Doctor away from them their chances had diminished considerably.

Cedric had send them off to their own little hospital wing, saying that he would talk with some people and that they should get some rest, especially cause escaping the Government Army, and especially an op run by Lazaro as they learned was the name of their main captor was unheard of.

Two hours later and they’d all been checked over by the resident doctor, they’d been fine all for some bumps and bruises and slight dehydration. They’d been about to make their way to the main hall when Cedric had entered the room, looking withdrawn.

“Lucile has been dispatched to our local cells this morning after we found out he had snitched you guys out to the Government Army. I’m so sorry we didn’t realize this sooner.” Cedric scratched his head, not sure how to proceed after that. Ryan realized he was thinking what to say next.

“Cedric?” Cedric nervously looked up at Ryan, who had taken the sonic the Doctor had given him out of his pocket.

“For some reason the Doctor thought it was an idea to give her sonic to you, I’m not sure but…” Ryan was interrupted by a seemingly uncharacteristic squeal from Cedric, which in turn made the fam look at him in surprise. Cedric reverently took the sonic from Ryan, who frowned and looked at both Graham and Yaz with a surprised look. They both just shrugged.

“This is great! I can imagine you have questions. Come with me and I will explain to you why this is the best thing that could have happened today.

That was two days ago, the fam had a plan, and Ryan was confident that they’d get the Doctor back in one piece like that.

The downside to that plan? The Doctor had to get onto the square first, the Rebels had decided to leave an imprint on the Governmental Army, considering this was going to be televised for all to see, the rebels, much like the Governmental Army wanted to give off a message, which was going to be that they didn’t want to be messed with.

The fam and Cedric had been meticulously making their way towards the massive town square where general executions by gun would take place. Cedric had given them clothes in which they could hide their faces by hoodie. Cedric had warned them that some of his friends that had returned from captivity by the Governmental Army had never been the same again. The Fam understood it was Cedric’s way of trying to warn them for whatever they’d done in two days to the Doctor, but they also passionately believed that the Doctor being the Doctor would be fine.

Their plan was simple, Cedric and the Doctor apparently had been foreseeing something like this might happen sooner rather then later, so the Doctor had build a special sonic noise bomb together with Cedric and taught him how to set it with the sonic screwdriver.

It explained why the Doctor gave her sonic back to the fam, what it didn’t explain was how the Doctor knew she was going to be the one to be captured in the first place.

Ryan also felt like Cedric had left out important pieces in his explanation of their plan, but Ryan wasn’t sure, and he didn’t want to ruin any chances of getting the Doctor away from captivity.

The square was full, like proper mad amount of people full. Which for Ryan felt like a good thing cause at least he wouldn’t be that visible. Especially because he was nervous and afraid people would see that on him if there’d only been a few people on the square.

Cedric had explained that these kinds of things where always officially announced on the Government run tv channels, and it pulled people towards the square like bees to honey. Yaz quietly had compared it to the Hunger Games Novels, to which Graham and Cedric frowned, and Ryan couldn’t help but agree.

General Lazaro had taken away all forms of entertainment quite early on in his tenure as dictator, which meant that these kinds of events where the only things people had to ‘look forward’ to.

That and the fact that if the Government found out you weren’t there; you’d be the next one to ‘entertain’ the crowd.

The group of four had been making their way towards the front quietly when a sudden quietness descended upon the big crowd. Ryan stopped and looked at the little stage that was in front of the massive building that was looking out over the square. or as Cedric called it, the Palace of Injustice. Apparently the only building untouched by the war, mostly because General Lazaro was living there.

The man who was also the reason the crowd had gone so quiet.

He stood upon the little stage, looking out over the big crowd with a creepy smile on his face. Pompous and all, wearing a dark green and black get up which Cedric had explained used to be a force for good once upon a time before Lazaro got to power, but now only meant pain and hurt and destruction.

For one second Lazaro’s gaze stayed upon that of Ryan, who thought that he’d been recognized by the General, but his gaze luckily slid further over the crowd and he smiled while starting to speak.

“People of Gilara! I welcome you to our great square of peace for another day of reckoning and coming together!” Ryan saw Cedric visibly flinch at that and couldn’t help but agree.

The irony of the square being named the square of peace but being the instigator of so much pain and bloodshed wasn’t lost on Ryan.

“Two days ago we captured another integral part of the rebellion, and we wanted to make sure that you all understood how serious we take it when you decide to go against me and the Governmental Army.” Lazaro didn’t continue for a moment, in which Ryan couldn’t help but assume he’d thought the crowd would cheer for him. But looking around Ryan realized that all the faces who he could see where forlorn, sad, and mostly tired looking of everything that was going on.

Ryan looked at the stage again, where Lazaro had motioned for two guards to bring the person they were holding forward.

Even though Ryan _knew_ who it was he couldn’t help but gasp slightly, hearing Graham and Yaz doing the same.

They’d made the Doctor wear a black heavy hood over her head, which probably was one of the reasons why she didn’t struggle much against the cuffs as the two heavy guards semi dragged walked her towards the centre of the stage. They had taken her coat, which in some way made Ryan think of how that would equal to taking away someone’s identity for the Doctor.

He didn’t know her better then all swishing coats and heroic stances after all. Her clothes where covered in blood and in some places, they were torn. The guards dropped the Doctor on her knees but had to hold on to her shoulders because she almost immediately tipped forward into the mumbling crowd. The Doctor’s hands where tied in front of her, all the while the Doctor had been disturbingly compliant and quiet.

“I’m so sorry we can’t get her away sooner, but the Doctor for some reason was adamant it had to go this way.” Cedric had apologized multiple times already for it, but the fam trusted the Doctor and Cedric as well to know what they were doing.

“People of Gilara! This Rebel, who goes by the name of _the doctor_ has been a disgrace and a nuance for the past couple of months to the great Governmental Army!” In a theatrical move, Lazaro pulled off the heavy hood, and Ryan had to stop himself from yelling out loud, instead opting for a wince. Even Cedric couldn’t help but yelp quietly at the state of the Doctor.

The hood had been covering dishevelled blonde hair, a face covered in bruises, both eyes dark blue. Blood was dripping from the Doctor’s nose and if her skin wasn’t covered by bruises it was covered by dried blood. Even though her head was hanging low, Ryan could see she had difficulty adjusting to the light, trying to blink away the grit and sudden influx of light.

Ryan didn’t know where it came from, but Lazaro was suddenly holding a gun, right against the Doctor’s temple while one of the guards moved to hold her head up. Ryan wasn’t sure _how_ the Doctor knew where they were, but her gaze immediately fell upon the ragtag bunch of people that now had her life in their hands, and she _smiled_.

“Now, I know that some of you might have been thinking to join the Rebellion but let today be a reminder that if you do, you’ll end up just like her!” The gun moves more towards the Doctor’s temple, making the Doctor flinch. Lazaro moves his face near the Doctors face.

“Have anything to say to your mates at the Rebellion, Doctor? They won’t be able to save you now. Shows how _little_ they care for their own people, doesn’t it?” It was quiet for a moment, until Ryan saw the Doctor do something that he could only call very uncharacteristic for the Doctor

She full on laughed in Lazaro’s face.

The crowd got restless and unsure of who this person was and what they were doing, it wasn’t as if Lazaro didn’t have a gun against the Doctors head or anything. Lazaro pushed the gun harder against the Doctor’s temple.

“Enough! Any last words before I put a bullet in that brain of yours?” The Doctor just smiled and said: “Come and get me.”

After that all hell broke loose. Ryan saw Cedric push a button on the Doctor’s sonic, which was their queue to get to the stage and free the Doctor, while all the people, including the guards and Lazaro where distracted by the high frequency sound the Sonic Sound Bomb was emitting.

**_Two days ago_ **

****

_“The Doctor and I have been working on something which she called a Sonic Sound Bomb. I’m not 100 percent sure of the inner workings of it but she assured me its as much as harmless. It just gives off a high-pitched sound that will distract everyone long enough so that we can get on the stage and free her. The only thing I must do is set it, which I can do with the sonic. And set it off, which again can be done by the sonic. One of our best getaway drivers will be waiting for us so that we can all get back to base as quickly as possible.”_

**_Present_ **

****

Ryan had made its way onto the stage, while Cedric had taken it upon himself to give the guards and Lazaro a sleeping drug.

“ _Doctor!”_ Ryan said, while Yaz quickly made work of the cuffs with the sonic that Cedric quickly had given to her.

“Hi fam!” the Doctor croaked, while grinning lightly and slowly rubbing some blood back into her chaffed wrists. Graham and Yaz both took each side of the Doctor to help her up. That was the first moment Ryan and the Doctor finally made eye contact with each other.

And to Ryan’s utter relief the Doctor laughed.

“I knew I could count on you all to deliver when I’d needed you the most, now please give me one more moment to sort this last bit of the plan out.” The Doctor slowly made herself stand on her own two feet, albeit a bit unsteady she didn’t fall over. Instead she motioned to Cedric to wait for a moment with administering the sleeping drug. The Doctor slowly made her way over to Lazaro, who was now the one on his knees shooting daggers at all five people who had been involved in this little stint.

“Remember how I told you that I was the destroyer of governments? What you just heard was just one small little thing of what I can really do. I can bring you down with the movement of one finger and it be over for you and your minions. Now I’d suggest you do the following. You let me and my fam go, without so much as a peep, then you denounce your leadership and you sign a treaty of peace together with Cedric here, don’t you worry your little head about thinking he’s alone though.” The Doctor motioned towards the crowd, where by now almost half of the people present had taken off their hood and where sporting the red bandana’s around their upper arm that was the a secret sign to announce that they were part of the Rebellion.

“And why would I believe you, Doctor?” The Doctor shrugged and put her hand against Lazaro’s temple, who immediately turned white as a sheet.

“That’s what I thought, now if you don’t mind, I’m going to take a nap now, right here on the…” The Doctor didn’t finish her sentence because she already keeled over and fainted.

After quickly making their way back to the Rebel base, they’d immediately dragged the Doctor to the hospital wing, which was where they found the only person still present being the doctor that had helped them two days ago as well. She quickly patched up the Doctor as well as she could, who eventually stopped her and told her that she’d be healed by this time tomorrow anyway but that she’d appreciated the help, nonetheless. After the Doctor had taken a shower, she had looked much better anyway, the bruises in her face already fading slightly. She was still limping though so the fam and her quickly made themselves as comfortable as possible in the Doctor’s assigned hospital bed.

Ryan couldn’t help but wonder something that had been on his mind ever since they’d left the Doctor in enemy hands.

“Doctor, how did you know this was going to happen? I mean when we arrived here months ago you seemed to be surprised that this planet had descended into civil war. But then Cedric was prepared for every single bump in the road.”

**_Two weeks ago_ **

_“Cedric, listen to me. I have a plan, to end this war once and for all but I need you to trust me that this will work. Do you trust me?”_ the Doctor said, Cedric had, after all the help these four people had given them no reason to believe the Doctor was lying, and so he nodded.

 _“Okay, so I told you about the Bomb, which is ready now. I just need certain things to happen for this to become a save point in time. You need to find one of your people that you trust the most, and to go to the Governmental Army and tell them where me and my fam will be a few days from now.”_ Cedric frowned

 _“But wouldn’t that mean they will capture you Doctor? They will execute you on the spot.”_ The Doctor shook her head.

 _“If my calculations are correct, you guys are due for another public reckoning are you not? Lazaro is nothing if not predictable, if I play my cards right, I’d be the next one to be that person.”_ Cedric frowned.

“ _And what if you are not, Doctor?”_ the Doctor just shrugged.

_“I’ll regenerate, a bit sooner then I’d like but we can’t have everything the way we want it to go, now can we?”_

**_Present_ **

****

“So, you willingly put yourself in danger like that Doc? What did I tell you after your wrists, you should be more careful! No matter if you’d come back in a different body, I like this one too much to say goodbye to now.” Graham said exaggerated and maybe a tiny bit upset. The Doctor just shrugged.

“Well, we’re going to make a deal now, to us you are not expendable Doctor. Even if you’d come back to life in a jiffy. Please be more careful next time you make up these crazy ideas!” Yaz said. The Doctor looked at a blanket that was covering her legs.

“Okay, you guys win. Although I can’t promise anything for the full 100 percent! But I’ll try to take your feelings a little bit more into account. That said, I might have lied a little bit to the doctor about being healed by tomorrow.” The fam just looked at each other and all sighted.

“That’s it Doctor, you’re on fam advised bed rest now, and to solidify that, we all are going to get into a big but careful cuddle pile to confirm that that’s the best thing to do right now.” Ryan said, while carefully wrapping his arms around the Doctor, Yaz and Graham followed suit.

That’s how Cedric found them a few hours later, all haphazardly strewn around the Doctor’s bed or in chairs, relaxed and asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, sue me, i think ryan has read the hunger games, what about it?
> 
> I dunno where this came from but i haven't written that much in one sitting in a very long time. It ain't perfect, i know that but i'm quite proud of it.
> 
> Lazaro is a little homage to a character from the tv show Vagrant Queen, his character there is just as ugly as it is in my fic thank you very much.
> 
> ALSO, IN THE LAST CHAPTER I ACCIDENTALLY WROTE THAT RYAN THOUGHT THE DOC WAS SELFISH... THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SELFLESS LOL (that's fixed now, sorry)  
> 
> 
> The title of this chapter is from a song called Rubik's Cube by Athlete.
> 
> All the songs that I base my Whumptober chapter titles on can be found here:  
> shorturl.at/uBILY
> 
> im on the tweets  
> @JenniferEarp_
> 
> and the tumblz  
> manyotherroadsyettorun


	4. lost & found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Any regrets in life?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Running out of time  
> Prompt: collapsed building

“Are we going to die here?”

“I don’t know, it all depends on the others.”

The quietness in the space both figures occupied was deafening.

“I wouldn’t think that out of all the adventures we had together, a collapsed building on some far-off planet would do me in.” A huff could be heard.

“Me neither, but here we are.” A pained smile from both, even though the space was to dark for both of them to see the other.

“Any regrets in life?”

At that question it stayed quiet for a bit, rustling of clothes and breathing the only sounds that could be heard.

“At the moment I think it’s bringing you into this building and to this planet, and by extend getting buried underneath the rubble with you. Although we were lucky it fell the way it did and gave us this little cavern. In general? Plenty. If you live as long as I do you are bound to do things that make you regret afterwards. It’s unavoidable and part of life sadly. Do you? Have any regrets I mean.” Another light shrug.

“I might not have lived as long as you, Doc, but even I have regrets. My biggest one would probably be letting Grace come to that building ground.” The Doctor flinched at that. Graham and she had talked a lot about what had happened to Grace, especially after Graham found out the Doctor had added Grace’s dead to an ever-growing list of people, she felt responsible for while they died. Graham had told her that Grace wouldn’t want her to stay full of self-loathing and that Grace had gone the way she wanted to. Helping people and saving the world.

“Would travelling with me be one, especially because of that?” A shake of a head.

“No, definitely not. I’m sure if she’d be here Grace would have been the first in line to keep travelling with you, Doc. She would love seeing all these planets, and I think you and her would be a good team.” Another slight smile, which soon turned into a sad look again.

“Graham? Would you even let her go with me, knowing what you know now? It’s dangerous as you can see, time and again I keep putting you all into tough spots.” Graham just shook his head.

“Knowing what I know now wouldn’t stop me, or Grace from travelling with you, Doc. Not even getting stuck underneath the rubble with you could hold me off from ever travelling with you after this. I trust you for getting us out. I’ve seen it with Lazaro, I’ve seen it when you decided to break both your wrists, and I’m sure there will be plenty more moments where I will see it. I just have to trust you for getting us out, and I do. Just like I trust Yaz and Ryan that they’ll be on their way.” The Doctor smiled at that.

It was quiet for a while again until the Doctor suddenly jumped up. Graham stayed seated but looked up at the Doctor who started to pace and mumble frantically.

“Doc?” The Doctor kept pacing.

“I have a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short, and might not make a lot of sense but I am considering this as a writing exercise, considering I generally try to avoid not naming the characters as long as i did in this piece cause I find that way of writing hard.
> 
> i'm on the tweets:  
> @JenniferEarp_
> 
> tumblr  
> manyotherroadsyettorun


	5. Rennen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Rennen"
> 
> Dutch/German for Running, to run from something or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rennen is Dutch/German for Running  
> it's also a beautiful song by SOHN which you can find in my whumptober title inspo playlist right here:  
> https://ap.lc/Tt7g7
> 
> Day 5 of Whumptober 2020:  
> Where do you think you're going  
> Prompt:  
> On the Run

“Run!” The Doctor yelped, while attempting the fam to run towards the spot the Doctor assumed, she had parked her trusted TARDIS.

The whole day that they had been adventuring around this planet had been good to the fam. After their recent stints where mostly, the Doctor had been victim to some injury of another, they wanted a peaceful visit where they at least could check out the planet without any dangerous interruptions.

Until nightfall that is.

The natives of the planet had been very welcoming towards the Doctor, Yaz, Graham and Ryan, but for some reason where adamant that they stayed until nightfall to leave.

The Doctor being the Doctor hadn’t really thought anything about it, and said it was alright, especially cause they were a guest on the island, which meant that if these were their rules, the fam would abide by that.

What the locals hadn’t mentioned was that most of them were full on _werewolves_. And that one of their rituals was that when there would be visitors on their ground, they would hunt them down if it was a full moon night.

Luck had it that exactly tonight was a full moon night on the planet, and instead of being able to admire that, which was the Doctor’s initial plan they now had to run for their lives.

Yaz was sure that at least a full pack of 12 wolves was chasing them through the woods, while normally, as the Doctor had breathlessly pointed out they would have already been eaten by now, these werewolves seemed to be stuck in their human speed. Which was a huge advantage for the fam.

Yaz had forgotten how much running through a forest would cause twigs to snap in your face, which in turn left little scratches on her face. She was sure the others had the same issue.

Yaz could see Graham and Ryan in front of her, she was surprised but glad that both hadn’t either fallen or lagged.

“Fam! Go left!” Without any questions asked, Yaz saw Graham and Ryan do the same, to which to her utter relief she saw the TARDIS on the hilltop they had left her on, this spurred Yaz on to run faster.

Until she felt her feet slip on a bunch of leaves, and she fell, hard, seeing the TARDIS only mere feet away.

“Stay down!” Someone whispered in her ear, and she felt someone, she assumed the Doctor grab her shoulders and cover her.

Yaz could hear the dogs barking, and she was 100 percent sure her and the Doctor where doomed.

Until the barking suddenly stopped, and instead she could hear the pitiful whining of wolves retreating. Why she didn’t understand.

“Doctor?” She whispered, while the Doctor held her hand between Yaz’s shoulder blades, to keep her down, while she slowly got up.

“You can get up now.” The Doctor said, a lot louder than necessary, while she was also spinning around trying to see where the wolfs had gone.

“What happened?” Yaz said, while trying to get her bearings, one moment they were being chased by werewolves, and now they’d turned around and left.

The Doctor scanned the area with her sonic and started to smile.

“Oh, aren’t you a smart girl! Well done you!” The Doctor almost screamed while she had moved towards the TARDIS, where both Ryan and Graham had stuck their head out of the door.

“Doc? Yaz? You two alright?” Yaz had made her way towards the TARDIS, while the Doctor was grinning like a madwoman.

“We’re good, the Werewolves just… I don’t know disappeared?” Yaz said.

“Oh, they disappeared alright, thanks to the TARDIS!” The Doctor yelled, while the fam looked at each other while the Doctor patted the TARDIS lovingly.”

“Doc…?” Graham couldn’t help but ask.

“She knew something was wrong, and so she emitted a high sound that only werewolves could hear, which in turn scared them away cause it hurt so much.” Yaz ended up right next to the Doctor and frowned.

“I don’t think it just hurt the wolves though.” Yaz said, while pointing at the Doctor’s ears, who frowned and touched her ears, coming away with blood. The Doctor looked at the fam and frowned.

“That explains why I keep hearing an insistent ringing in my ears!”

Ryan had never facepalmed himself so hard in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I think the Doctor could hear the high pitched noises, cause as we sometimes might forget she is alien after all.  
> this is also dedicated to my dad, who has a close case of Tinnitus which is the constant sound of a long peep in your ear due to ear damage, wear ear protection where suitable is what i'm saying :)
> 
> come yell at me:  
> @JenniferEarp_
> 
> tumblr:  
> manyotherroadsyettorun
> 
> i make fanedits sometimes:  
> wearethedreamersofdreams


	6. i'm the king of my own land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The fam will be here soon.”
> 
> Or
> 
> I threw a lot of the whumptober prompts together, and this came from it  
> its quite dark, and slightly (mostly) Doctor Whump (like a lot of it) so be warned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible TW - For my writing, it went quite dark.
> 
> this oneshot is divided in three parts, divided by titles which together are the lyrics to M83's Outro, go and check it out in my whumptober inspo playlist riiight here:
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/649ABBIZzz2XU2tDK8LzFA?si=kW56VQgjTBWr5o7WWiy6kA

**I'm the king of my own land**

**“** And so, I stand here before you, dear citizens of Osituna to sentence the accused to life in prison, where they will spend the rest of their life, or lives depending on their species and life span.” The room had gone quiet after the announcement of the Judge Magistrate, who up until now had always seemed very reasonable and kind.

The Doctor had not seen that one coming.

Osutina, as far as the Doctor was aware, had always been a peaceful little planet off into some small corner of the Universe.

The Doctor loved to visit together with her companions, especially cause the sunsets where spectacular and their woods where something die for.

And then, after the first day her and the fam had arrived on the planet, the murders had started.

Someone had started to murder the locals, which in turn meant that the Doctor wanted to figure out who or what was involved with this.

Which quickly went from the Doctor being seen as helpful, to the Doctor being suspected of the murders cause of her sonic and the fact that they started the moment she had arrived.

The fam had tried to persuade her to fight harder for her innocence, but for once in her life the Doctor wasn’t so sure if she could get out of this one.

That’s why she banked it on going to court, where hopefully either the Osutinians saw reason in her innocence, or the fam could pull through on breaking her out.

What the fam hadn’t known was that the Doctor, just as insurance had spoken to one of the locals who she knew very well, that if she was found guilty he would take them to his out of town house in the woods, where she was sure they’d be taken care of, and maybe able to make a plan.

But she hadn’t thought it would come that far, she’d known the Judge Magistrate for so long, that she was sure she would pardon her on the spot, and her and the fam would be on their merry way back to Sheffield where she would drop them off and sort this out on her own.

Instead she was now being cuffed and dragged away towards the dark underground cells of the Hall of Justice.

“ _Doctor!”_ The Doctor saw Yaz try to fight Graham, who was dragging her away while Ryan was following Harrath, the local the Doctor had set up the arrangement with.

Before the Doctor could really say anything, she was gagged and blindfolded, while two guards pulled her towards the exit and the cell.

_2020 isn’t my year, I’m sure I didn’t have wrongfully accused on my bingo card._

When they arrived in the dungeon, the Doctor tried to struggle out of the guard’s grips, but that was proven to be futile. As some last form of defiance, the Doctor stomped with both her feet on the guard’s feet, hard.

As punishment, the guards left her like she arrived in the cell. Cuffed, gagged, and blindfolded.

**facing the tempest of dust, I’ll fight until the end**

It had taken the Doctor an awful 3 hours before she had moved herself up against the wall, and with a lot of movement and weird angles she’d been able to get the blindfold off of her eyes so that it was now resting around her neck. Which was soon joined by the gag which had fallen off after a lot of wiggling.

The cuffs stayed on though. For a society that could be compared to that of Earth’s medieval times, the cuffs where strong, and harsh around her wrists.

Plus, the fact that they had cuffed her hands behind her back didn’t make it any more comfortable.

They’d taken her jacket way before she had ended up in her cell, which was cold and damp. If she weren’t a Timelord she’d be sure she’d have a cold by the end of the day.

It stayed quiet like that for a while longer, until she heard the clanging of the Guards weaponry and clothes they were wearing.

“Leave us alone for a moment will you.” The Doctor recognized that voice, it was the voice that had put her in this cell in the first place.

There was the sound of murmuring and disagreement, but if her sensitive ears served her right, the guards left, and she was alone with the person that had condemned her to this fate in the first place, the Doctor stayed quiet, but was sure her gaze was shooting daggers at her (former?) best friend.

The Judge Magistrate, all pompous clothes and heavy jewellery, kneeled right in front of the Doctor, who just looked at her but didn’t respond.

“I’m not sure if you understand what’s happening yet, which is fine. But your tyranny and never-ending meddling is over now. I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel as if we were friends, that’s over now. Your personal hell though? It’s about to begin. And don’t worry about your little friends. I will hunt them down and kill them on the spot.” The Doctor slowly moved forward and grinned at the Judge Magistrate, who couldn’t help but frown.

“Don’t worry, Judge Magistrate. They’re too smart to let that happen to themselves, they’re human after all. The best and brightest the universe has to offer.” The Judge Magistrate flinched at that, and the Doctor couldn’t help but smile.

“There… that’s your tell. You’re not the Judge Magistrate. You’re…hmpf…” The Judge Magistrate quickly moved the gag back in the Doctor’s mouth.

“Guards! She’s ready!” The guards moved back into the cell, while blindfolding the Doctor again, who couldn’t stop struggling all the while the guards pulled her up.

The next time the guards took off the Doctor’s blindfold, was when she found herself in the middle of a big room. The Judge Magistrate was sitting on her throne, while every single person she’d ever met who worked in the Judge Magistrate’s castle was present. They’d taken off her blindfold and funnily enough her blue striped t-shirt as well. Which left her in just a white undershirt without sleeves she had been wearing.

“Ladies and gentlemen. See here before you, the accused, and convicted murderer of 20 of our people! For that she has stood trial and has been found guilty of all 20 of those, convicting her of a lifetime in our prison.” The room stayed oddly quiet, the Doctor looked around, and saw only solemn and sad faces.

Out of nowhere one of the guard’s pushed her forward a little bit while holding her left shoulder. The Doctor’s keen ears picked up the sizzling sound of…

“ _No…no, no.”_ The Doctor realized she could also smell burning iron, and she suddenly was very aware what was going to happen.

The Doctor started to struggle, which prompted two more guards to hold her arms so that she would stand still.

“Now, this _creature_ is known for attempting to escape multiple prisons. And is also known to be able to change their looks, that’s why we’re resorting to something we haven’t done in an awfully long time.” By now one of the guards had deadlocked the Doctor’s head, and the Doctor realized there was no way she was going to escape this. The only thing she could hear in the room where some gasps and murmurs from the people present.

“To make sure that _if_ this prisoner escapes their cell, we made sure she’s easily recognizable.” The Doctor felt the heat of the burning iron and started to yell into her gag to let her go, and that she hadn’t done anything.

The last thing the Doctor heard before she fainted was the sizzling sound of burning skin, and the Judge Magistrate whispering something in her ear.

_“Sleep well, prisoner 23111963.”_

They left the Doctor in her cell after that for a while.

When the Doctor had woken up for the first time, she realized they had given her some kind of collar. What it did, the Doctor wasn’t sure, what she did know was that this was way to advance for the locals to be worn by her in their cell.

After that she’d slipped into another deep sleep of some sort, still on the ground where they left her, but now without the cuffs.

The second time she woke up, she felt a lot better, but also thought the mark they had given her would have disappeared.

It hadn’t.

Which was weird, by now her super healing would have kicked in and knitted her skin back together like it was supposed to be.

Instead she still had the numbers on her left upper arm, angry red and blistery looking, covering her whole upper arm, starting with 2 and ending with 3.

Normally the Doctor would be up and pacing, trying to figure out a way to get out of there, but right now the only thing she felt was tired.

Maybe another nap would help

They’d left her in the cell for days.

At least that’s what the Doctor assumed, no one had come for her, they hadn’t given her food or anything to drink and the Doctor just felt woozy all the time.

She’d figured out that the collar around her neck was keeping her healing at bay, which meant that the marking they had given her on the first day wouldn’t disappear unless she’d get the collar off.

But without her sonic that would be hard.

They hadn’t given her any other clothes either, so she’d ended up shivering in the corner of the cell, not even paying attention anymore towards the guards that would walk past her cell from time to time. She knew out of experience that normally the Magistrate would put prisoners together, cause the end goal for the _real_ Judge Magistrate had always been to rehabilitate people and let them go back into society.

That would be the case now too if this were the _real_ Judge Magistrate that had imprisoned her. Instead it was an imposter who knew for some reason the Doctor’s weaknesses.

One of them being isolation, like they were doing to her now.

“ _I’m alright, the fam will get me.”_ The Doctor whispered, while trying to get some sleep. Not that her body needed it perse, but she’d hoped it would make her not think of the cold she felt seeping through every piece of her body.

“ _I’ll be alright, the fam will get me.”_ The Doctor whispered, while falling into a restless sleep.

Then the beatings started.

Every single day, twice sometimes three times if they felt like it, the guards would take her to what the Doctor presumed was a torture chamber and just beat her.

Over the head, in the stomach, her legs her arms, it didn’t matter how or what, by the end of the week the Doctor was covered in heavy bruising, her eyes black and her nose crooked to one side.

And nothing healed, because they still made her wear the collar, which by now the Doctor realized blocked all her Timelord abilities.

The worst thing about these moments was that they never asked her any questions. They just kept punching and hitting, with no end in sight.

Until after the fifth day they had taken her, the Judge Magistrate was waiting for them in the room. They threw the Doctor on her knees, hands back in the heavy cuffs, now in front of her body instead of on her back. The Doctor swayed slightly, looking through her bruised eyes at the Judge Magistrate.

“Are you ready to give up your biggest secret yet?” The Doctor frowned. She wasn’t sure what the Judge Magistrate was hinting at.

“Whatdayamean.” The Doctor mumbled. Her tongue felt thick and words didn’t come as easily as they normally would.

“The secret to your changing faces. The secret to how you survive for centuries, always carrying the same name but never the same face.” The Doctor frowned.

“Oh…” was the only thing she said, while almost keeling over in pain. She was sure she’d at least broken a few ribs, her nose, and all her uncovered skin was now covered in bruises. She’d never felt this amount of pain before for such a long period of time. Normally her fast healing abilities would take care of it. Or if the version of her body could afford it, she’d use some of her regeneration energy.

“Considering your collar blocks my healing abilities, I’m 99 percent sure you know where it comes from.” The Doctor wheezed, while looking into the Judge Magistrate’s eyes, who had a look of furry on her face.

“You know that’s not what I mean, Prisoner 23111963. I need to know how to be able to use it for myself.” The Doctor wheezed laughed at that. As if she could give someone the power to regenerate. That notion was ridiculous.

“For a shapeshifter, you’re very dumb.” The Doctor sassed, to which her head snapped back while the Judge Magistrate backhanded her, cutting open the Doctor’s cheek with the ring she was wearing.

“Take her back to her cell!” The Judge Magistrate seethed, while walking in opposite direction towards what the Doctor assumed was her throne room.

They hadn’t come for her for the next few days.

Or what the Doctor assumed where the next few days anyway, she didn’t know anymore.

After they’d left the torture chamber, they had thrown her into her, by now favourite corner where the Doctor had stayed and hadn’t moved.

She was hungry, but more so thirsty. Her tongue thick in her throat. Her face hurt; she felt the trickle of blood still dripping down her cheek when they’d just thrown her back into the cell. Her eyes where still bruised, and the Doctor was sure she’d give a Raccoon a run for their money with how she’d look. Dried blood in the corner of her mouth. Ribs broken, probably poking in places they shouldn’t be. Her legs felt like lead, tears, and rips in the clothes she was still wearing.

Breathing was hurting, everything was hurting. It was a constant pain that wasn’t going away. And the Doctor was sure it wouldn’t go away unless she’d be able to take the collar off.

**Creatures of my dreams raise up and dance with me**

“ _The fam will be here soon.”_

She should have known that sooner rather than later she’d have a panic attack of some sort.

She’d been repeating the mantra in her head that the fam would come soon, but it had slowly dissolved into that they’d never come for her at all.

Which was why now she was laying on the ground, in her favourite corner in the cold cell, showing all the signs of a panic attack setting in.

It had started with her hands shaking.

She wasn’t sure at first, cause it could have been the cold as well, but this kind of shaking wasn’t the shaking you’d get from just being cold.

It were whole tremors that made her hands cramp up.

Then the tingling started, together with hot flashes, which is how she knew it wasn’t just the cold playing up.

The hot flashes made her skin flush with sweat, and hyperventilating was the moment it all came full circle for her.

She’d been trying to calm herself down, but nothing helped anymore, she’d die in this cell, alone, the fam had left her, or worse the Judge Magistrate had found and killed them all.

_“Please, Please make it stop. No more, please.”_

It had only happened once that the Doctor was so tired she’d started to hallucinate.

It was eons ago, in another version of her body, when she was still a man, and it had been her own fault then.

She’d stayed up for days on end, fixing the TARDIS left and right. She had forgotten why exactly she hadn’t slept, all she knew was that she’d ended up in a horrendous cycle of being chased by her companions past and present in the form of hallucinations.

Now, this time it wasn’t her idea not to sleep, it was the constant pain in her whole body that just kept her awake.

And then the hallucinations started.

“ _Doc.”_

The Doctor tried to ignore it, she knew that wasn’t the real Graham calling out her name anyway. So she stayed huddled in her corner in the cell, slowly moving her hands over her ears trying to block out the voices.

 _“Doctor!”_ The Doctor didn’t want it, not sweet Yaz yelling her name as if she was in danger and needed help.

Help the Doctor couldn’t give in the crippled state she was in.

“ _Look at you Doctor. All useless when we need you the most.”_

Would you look at that.

That would be the Doctor’s deepest fear, not being able to help her friends when they’d need it the most.

And now the Doctor wasn’t sure anymore if she’d ever even see the real versions of her fam.

Because she was ready to give up.

They had been drugging her through the little bits of water she got to drink once or twice a day.

Or a week maybe, the Doctor didn’t know anymore. They had taken her to the torture chamber a few more times but the Doctor wasn’t really present for most of it anyway.

It felt as if she had really given up and as someone who normally never had that attitude towards anything in life, it just hurt to now feel like that.

But then again, she had never been in so much pain that nine out of ten times a day she just saw white from pain.

“Get her up.”

See? She wasn’t even aware of really anything anymore.

“Seems like they finally figured out how to get you out, Prisoner 23111963. So I guess this is goodbye for us, for now. Don’t worry, you get to keep your collar and your secret, for now anyway. But I promise you this, we will meet each other again.” The Doctor slowly opened her eyes while being held up by the Judge Magistrate, the only thing she really was able to do was grin slightly.

“Goodbye, Doctor.” Without any warning, the Judge Magistrate stabbed the Doctor right between her already broken ribs, and the Doctor’s mouth fell open, no sound was coming out.

The last thing the Doctor heard before she completely blacked out and crumpling towards the ground in a heap of Doctor was shouting and sounds coming from the only entrance towards her cell.

**Now and forever, I’m your king.**

“ _Run!”_

The Doctor felt like she was floating for some reason.

She wasn’t sure how or why, but the one moment of clarity she had before drowning into another hit of full body pain was that the floating wasn’t floating as such as it was being carried bridal style by strong arms.

“ _Let’s get her to the TARDIS medbay, now!”_

The Doctor was sure the person that was carrying her was running now, and the word TARDIS seemed to trigger a small memory in her brain.

She was exhausted though, and her exhaustion meant that her brain was all jumbled and jumping from one fleeting thought to the other.

The next time she woke up, she felt only softness.

The ground she was laying on wasn’t the ground at all anymore, at least not the damp floor she’d been lying on for weeks.

Months maybe? She wasn’t sure anymore.

She felt a light presence in her brain, the one she always had when she was in her TARDIS. The telepathic link between them strong as ever.

“ _Doctor!”_ the Doctor’s eyes shot open, trying to simultaneously sit up, but being stopped by the overwhelming pain in her whole body.

“ _Yaz.”_ The Doctor croaked, her voice still shaky from not being used for so long. The Doctor languidly blinked, eyes darting around the room, finding the soft blue and yellow colors of her TARDIS.

 _You’re back.”_ The TARDIS whispered in the back of her mind, while the Doctor tried to sit up again, Yaz stopped her.

“Stay down, please! We need to get this collar off of you and get you patched up. The knife is still in you and you’ve been trailing blood everywhere.” Yaz, always being the one that could count on her police training.

“Get the sonic.” The Doctor groaned. The moment the collar would come off, would be the moment the Doctor could finally _rest._

“What about the knife.” Graham asked, while fuzzing over the Doctor’s body.

“I…I need… the collar stops…” the Doctor groaned, while waves of pain hit her in rapid succession now. She closed her eyes while Yaz returned.

“No, Doctor please stay with me. What do I do?” The Doctor looked drowsily at Yaz, who was holding her beloved sonic.

“Point…Point and think…Yaz, just point and think.” Yaz frowned, but did as she was told.

When the collar came off, the Doctor fell asleep.

She was floating again.

But this time it was really floating, inbetween clouds, and the sky _and the stars._

_Wake up._

For the first time since forever, she wasn’t in pain. She felt weightless and heavy at the same time. It wasn’t the kind of heaviness that bothered her though.

It was just there and it made her smile.

_Doctor, wake up, please._

She’d never thought she’d be at this point in time and space, where she was totally at ease with herself, and whatever was going on in her life.

_Doctor!_

The Doctor shot awake, almost head butting Yaz, who luckily with her quick responses jumped out of the way.

“ _Thank god!”_ The whole fam piled into one big hug on the Doctor, who was still sitting on her bed, looking around dazedly while trying to sort of hug the big pile of humans around her.

“What happened?” She said, while taking inventory of her body.

She still felt stiff in some places, but most of her wounds had healed over, she looked at Yaz, who had tear tracks running down her face. Ryan and Graham didn’t look much better.

“You were crying?” The Doctor said softly, while slowly putting her hand against Yaz’s cheek while wiping away the stains.

“It looked like you died! You’ve been asleep for four days. Barely breathing, while also giving off this gold glow.” Ryan exclaimed.

_Ah._

“I guess you guys have questions, which I will answer, if you can please tell me what happened when you got me out of that prison.” The Doctor said, while wincing at how rough she really sounded when she strung more then a few words together.

The fam explained her how they had gotten her out of the castle, which apparently wasn’t as hard as they thought it would be. Just like the Doctor most of the Guards had realized that the Judge Magistrate wasn’t the Judge Magistrate that they all knew, an impostor if you will. While most of the guards helped them or let them through, the two that where with the Judge Magistrate when they found her were, not so easy to persuade. So Graham and Ryan had taken it upon themselves to distract the two guards, while Yaz went to get the Doctor.

“You were in a right state when we found you. The knife was still inside you, leaving a trail of blood all the way back to the TARDIS. When we finally arrived here and got you in the medbay where Harrath was waiting for us you woke up and told us how to get rid of the collar.” The Doctor nodded slightly, memories of that moment trickling back into her mind now.

“After we took off the collar you just… fell asleep? At first I thought you died, considering you were barely breathing. Then you started to glow, which slowly but surely seemed to patch up all the wounds you sustained… Doctor what happened? You were like that for four full days!” Yaz said, while carefully taking a seat on the edge of the Doctor’s bed, Graham and Ryan doing the same.

“I… might have slipped into a Regenerative Coma… I’m sorry fam, I should have told you about the possibility of that happening. It basically means my body is so overloaded with feelings and experiences that it just shuts itself down to a very basic… oompf.” The fam tackled the Doctor all in one big family bear hug.

“Doc, no offense but we’re all tired, skip the gooblediegoob for now, rest. And we will talk about it all tomorrow.” If you’d ask the Doctor, she wasn’t crying, it was just some sand stuck in her eye.

“Sure thing, fam. I’m so glad you guys came and got me.” The Doctor swallowed, damn this body for being so emotional.

“We love you too, Doctor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this has been the longest straight in one go one shot I've written in a while. I like it, it has flaws duh. But my brain was like, I don't like being so much behind on whumptober, so I caught up in one sweep with this one shot. I also feel like I can do more with this premise, so I might look into starting a full on story for this one at one point.
> 
> Prompts used:
> 
> 6\. Please…  
> “Get it out” No more “Stop Please  
> 7\. I’ve got you  
> Support – Carrying – Enemy to Caretaker  
> 8\. Where did everybody go  
> “Don’t say goodbye” – Abandoned – Isolation  
> 9\. For the Greater Good  
> “Take me instead – “Run!” – Ritual Sacrifice  
> 10\. They look so pretty when they Bleed  
> Blood loss – internal bleeding – trail of blood  
> 11\. Psych 101  
> Defiance – Struggling – Crying  
> 12\. I think I’ve broken something  
> Broken down – Broken bones – Broken trust  
> 14\. Is something burning?  
> Branding – Heat exhaustion – fire  
> 15\. into the unknown  
> Possession – magical healing – science gone wrong  
> 16\. a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day  
> Forced to beg – hallucinations – shoot the hostage  
> 17\. I did not see that coming  
> Blackmail – dirty secret – wrongfully accused  
> 18\. Panic! At the disco  
> Panic attack- phobias - paranoia  
> 20\. Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore  
> Lost – field medicine - medieval  
> 21\. I don’t feel so well  
> Chronic pain – Hypothermia – Infection  
> 22\. Do these Taco’s taste funny to you  
> Poisoned – Drugged – Withdrawal  
> 23\. what’s a whumpee got to do to get some sleep around here?  
> Exhaustion – Narcolepsy – sleep deprivation  
> Alt. 3 – Comfort  
> Alt 15 – Carry/Support
> 
> My socials and shops and other stuff I do online:  
> https://linktr.ee/JenniferOh

**Author's Note:**

> the title is a lyric from the Bastille song Hangin' (yes i did that)  
> the title of the series is a lyric from Saturn, by sleeping at last.  
> all titles will be song lyrics of some sort that you can find in my whumptober spotify playlist riiiight here:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/649ABBIZzz2XU2tDK8LzFA?si=3YY99tn8T0-QD9ElWPmmlg
> 
> im on the tweets  
> @JenniferEarp_


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